An article by Boris the E-Thug Monkey on how to get chicks, written just for stinky nerds like you.
Being such a popular, stud muffin guy, I porked plenty of chicks during my Uni years. More importantly for this guide however; during these years, I had plenty of scrawny nerds approach me for chick advice. Today I would like to share with you this advice.
Ask any random chick what she looks for in a guy, and chances are, she'll say, "Someone who is sensitive, romantic and caring." These are Knight-in-shining-armor qualities, and while many chicks will list these qualities down on paper when theoretically penning their ideal guy, in practise it is actually a whole different story. The thing is, most chicks have this inbuilt, biological desire for a certain type of guy - a guy who would have been a very successful caveman back in the dawn of mankind. (or humankind, if any bitch feminists are reading this)
What made a caveman successful? Well, it certainly wasn't his sensitivity, or his ability to come up with romantic date ideas. Confident, physically competent, quick-witted, assertive cavemen brought back more meat from their hunt compared to sensitive "nice" cavemen. The cavewomen would have picked the more powerful (if rough) cavemen over the "nicer" cavemen, as that resulted in more food for her and her children, in other words, more chances of their survival. The ability to come up with touching caveman poetry or understand her emotions meant very little to the cavewoman, compared to the ability of a caveman to provide for her.
Now, times have changed, and we are in modern-day society. That said, it is still in the biology of chicks today to find a man who is strong, powerful and authorative, and who can take good care of her future children. You will make any chick swoon if you believably mention that you would make a strong, stable father some day (of course, you may not actually want kids. It's just to get chicks to tear off their panties).
Chicks love the guy who walks into a room with an aura of confidence (even cockiness) around them. Chicks love the guy who knows what he wants, and gets what he wants. If you want those panties to fly across the room, you will need to build on not only your physical character, but also on the strenght of your personality. Exhibit power and authority in your workplace, school or social life. You don't neccessarily need to be incredibly physically bulk - as long as you're toned and physically fit and demonstrate confidence and unswayable-power in your personality, the chick's "caveman" radar will kick in. Have some money to back your claims of authority, and the panties will go flying.
I think everyone knows this type of guy, in fact, you, the reader, might actually be him. You know, the guy with genuinely pure intentions and a sensitive, kind heart, who is always hovering in the back, behind a fray of physically stronger and more confident men. THIS TYPE OF GUY, IN CAVEMAN TIMES, NEVER BROUGHT HOME THE GOOD MEAT. In today's times, this type of guy also won't be bringing home the meat. From my experience with chicks, in practise a guy who is super-sensitive is a real turn-off. It is not appealing for chicks to see a guy pour out his emotions too often (showing a little emotion here and there is acceptable and is encouraged). Remember, the chick is already the sensitive, emotional one. To balance that out, she wants someone who can pick her up when she's down - someone who radiates strength, assertion and stability.
A guy who demonstrates a lack of asssertiveness and strength (in his mind as well as in his body) will not be getting chicks. Being a sensitive nice guy will get you lost in a sea of men. Getting lost in a crowd will not get you chicks. Standing out with confidence, even if it's cockiness, will get them looking.
Guys that cry "oh but I'm in no shape to pick up chicks" piss me off. Work out. Go to the gym regularly. If you can't afford that, set up a home gym and go for runs and swims. Get toned. Practically any guy, whether he's orginally scrawy or fat, can look toned, achieve muscle definition and be physically fit with will and perseverance. You know those guys that munch on Doritos all day long at the computer chair? With their belly hanging way over their belt? And then they bitch and moan about not being able to lose their virginity? God, I want to forehead kick those guys so bad. Remember, with a fit body comes confidence. With confidence comes chicks looking in your direction. It doesn't really matter if you don't have the most handsome face.
In summary, to get chicks, you need to be confident. You need to be powerful (e.g. have money), assertive, quick-witted and physically fit. These attributes are FAR more important than attributes such as "sensitive, caring and kind". Remember, "What would a caveman do?".
** Note: I am not implying sensitive nice guys cannot be successful in general terms. I promise you, sensitive nice guys can be very successful in setting up a LAN centre or achieving 2000+ WoW arena rating. I'm talking success in terms of getting chicks, you dimwit.
With Love,
Boris.
