Teacup.

Warning that this post contains me talking about menstrual cycle. So run far away if you can’t deal with it.

So me and my friends were talking about periods and I said that I dread mine because when it comes, it’s … for the lack of a better word, extremely excruciating. For me, the day before and the day it starts are the worse. I want to throw up, I can’t eat, I can’t move … and it feels like I’m giving birth to my guts. I’m constantly nauseous and most of the time, I’m literally curled up over myself just to ease the pain.

It wasn’t always like this. But about four years ago, this pain started and as each period comes, it’s like … it’s getting worse. I told my doctor (when I finally took my friend’s advice to go see him, yes my doctor is a guy), I told him that I remember one time it was so bad, I had to sit in a lecture theater for three hours because I knew that if I stood up, I would have thrown up right there and then.

So I repeated all those and extra details that only doctors should know and he said that it sounds quite serious. My heart just about sang hallelujah. I never went to see him about this before because I heard about other women complaining about period cramps and I have no clue what the hell is a period cramp. For me, it’s either no pain (in the early days) or extreme pain like what I go through when my period comes. So that’s why I was curious how can these women who have period cramps can still stand up and walk and go to work. It was … absolutely unfathomable.

So then the doctor ask me what do I take to alleviate the pain, and I told him I took nothing because 1) I don’t know what will alleviate the pain and what makes it worse and 2) I couldn’t swallow anything even if I got some painkillers on hand as I would have thrown it right back up.

So he sent me to the radiologist for an ultrasound as he said it could be Endometriosis. The ultrasound wasn’t the most comfortable experience, to be quite honest. It was a pelvis-abdomen scan and I had to have a full bladder and must not have any food six hours prior to the scan. My scan was at 2PM. I survived on high sugar-content orange juice from 7:30AM to 2PM. And while I was waiting in the reception area, two pregnant women came and went for their ultrasound scan. And both had to tell their radiologist to give them a few more minutes to wait for their partner to arrive.

Maybe it was just me, but I swear they were giving me a funny look. Hard to describe, but I felt like I was being judged. But I couldn’t really tell them to shove it because my mind was on when I can go to the toilet. Honestly, the combination of having to hold your pee in and the radiologist pressing the scanner on your pelvis is one of the hardest must-not-embarass-self-by-peeing-pants situation.

Uhm, yeah. So that was about two weeks ago. I’ve been tossing between panicking that it may be Endometriosis and I will probably have to go for surgery, and moments of calmness where he can prescribe me birth-control pills to control and perhaps minimize the pain. I have to go see him soon again as my temporary Naproxen he prescribed me has only one refill left.

The next period is coming along and I can feel the … I guess slight pain already. I’m bracing myself like usual but sad as it seems, I feel a bit better equipped with the Naproxen going everywhere I go. As I’m typing this, I feel like my ovaries/kidneys are contracting and expanding constantly. About 24 hours ago, there’s been slight pain around my pelvic bone. Yeah, I’m pretty ready to pop those Naproxen pills like candies once the full blast of it hits.

This waiting around for the doctor to interpret the ultrasound results is also killing me slowly. Just fucking call me and tell me what’s happening. Please!

I rarely go on a YouTube binge but…today is an exception. Beware, it’s got a whole bunch of Korean stuff but half of it is absolutely hilarious and the other half is full of Rain‘s dance move which is so hot, it’s…no words describe the sex-o-meter level. It’s out of this world.

Right! First up is Rainism by..Rain.

What can I say, I can pretend that it’s average…BUT HELL FUCKING NO. It’s so damn hot, the dance moves… *v* Ugh, my ovaries are in overdrive.

OK, next is his other smoking hot track called Love Song.

From about 2:23, that’s when the moves start getting all the girls hot and bothered and…yeah. OK. Just DAMN, ALL RIGHT. I can’t help myself but stare.

Rain’s live performance of Hip Song…which I absolutely love by the way, though I can’t seem to find the official MV of this track.

Urgh, he makes every step look so easy. He’s all like “I’m just going to be awesome, so I’m awesome now, OK baby?” And all the fangirls (me included) are like “AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!” *dead faint*

Here’s a parody of Rain’s Rainism track. It’s all subbed hence, the hilarity.

Rainism → hungryism?

And here’s Rain himself being so shy on Strong Heart(?) having to dance to Love Song for a few seconds around ~6:33.

Here’s a subbed piece of Lee Joon (of MBLAQ) talking about Rain’s three stages of anger. A little information, Rain is the producer(?) for MBLAQ.

Talking about Lee Joon…his pants actually ripped in half on television.

It’s funny how half the guest are trying to help him cover himself while the other are too busy ROTFLMAO to help. I’ll admit it. I’ll most probably be part of the ROTFLMAO group.

And here’s Lee Joon being such a gullible (but nice!) person. All subbed.

He collapses after he found out it was a hidden camera. Too cute. If it was me, I probably would have smashed someone’s face in, AND THEN I’ll collapse.

And randomly, parody dances. It’s a few parody and the best parody (in my humble opinion) was the last one, starting at ~5:50 (Lee Hyouri & Rain parodies). The other good ones are ~1:33 (Bo Beep performance) and 5:17 (Rain parody. Again.)

So there we go. I guess I’m feeling a bit nostalgic also, because Rain was recently called for military service. A few well-known Korean artist are being enlisted so it’s just waiting for them, to see what they’ll do after the compulsory term.

So I’m pretty slow and sometimes rather dense in real life and…this kind of applies to me online as well. I only just found out that Delicious got sold to AVOS and AVOS started this whole “we’re going to revamp this place” which…didn’t turn out too well.

They’ve added this “stack” feature which I don’t know what the fuck it does. And…I can’t seem to see all my tags unless I’m logged in? There’s a whole boatload of complaints and flames out there and I’m still not completely sure what’s going on. I do know that as the flames and complaints come in, AVOS is slowly re-inserting the old features that we all love and trust.

To me, a lot of people missed the “tag bundle” feature which I never used…I use Delicious as a private bookmarking system so that even if I change browsers or PC, my bookmarks are still intact and don’t need me to import/export and just generally make me bang my head against the nearest horizontal surface.

Oh! I wish they put back the auto-suggest tags instead of just suggesting tags based on what I already have. When I bookmark things, I just click all the tags that were suggested as they made the most sense. Now I have to do the brainwork and think of tags. Urgh. Just leave Delicious as it was and improve on it, not take away everything…this makes me sad.

Anyway! Since a lot of people are exporting bookmarks and just generally relocating elsewhere, I looked around and it was either Trunk.ly, Diigo or Pinboard. The first two are free though Diigo has a cap of ~300 bookmarks unless you upgrade to a premium account while Pinboard has a one-time fee at registration. Pinboard’s registration fee is (number of users * $0.001). When I signed up, it was ~ USD $9.48.

I think it’s a no-brainer which I chose. Pinboard it was. The services matched most closely like the old Delicious what with the simple interface and the ability to search bookmarks and notes and blah blah. It’s simple, it works and I like it.

In real life, I just finished university yesterday and now it’s exam time. I feel that all these WP upgrade notices bombarding me in the admin panel is trying to tell me that it’s time to create a new look. I think so too. But where’s my creative juice going to come from?

No wisecrack answers please, cause I already have them all playing in my mind as soon as I typed that.

Now that I’ve vented out one of my frustrations in the previous post, I’ve had a couple of days where I can think a bit more clearly on the matter and…maybe I was a little harsh and a little too angry. In my defense, I’ve let that little ball of hurt festered until it’s this giant monster in my chest eating away what little heart I’ve got. And also, I can keep grudges like no one’s business. Seriously.

So, I’ve had a couple of days to think and I guess I wasn’t on my best behavior so I’ve asked her if she wanted to have a dinner this Friday. Just the two of us, where I’ll be on my best behavior. The ball’s in her court now.

Half of me wants to prostrate myself before her begging for forgiveness, but the other half of me tells the other side to fuck off because we had the right be angry. I think both side has a point hence, no side wins but we’ll see how this plays out. I’m a bit more calm now, my head is a bit clearer and I just need to stay calm and cool.

I knew I was so close to breaking point, I had to let steam out somewhere and it just happened to be here and as much as I would like to apologize for the bad behavior, I just can’t. Maybe people will view in me in a negative light now, and really, I still need a little more time before the festering stops.

Maybe I just need to completely stop thinking about it.