I find myself getting more and more irritated over completely insignificant things. Irritated and … angry? Anti-social, perhaps? Like this afternoon, a friend txted me to remind me to bring an old test paper and a report tomorrow. I got extremely irritated for … a reason that I think is completely stupid (for lack of a better word). I feel this also happens with people I meet online. Sometimes.
But I’m also getting frustrated at myself for not being to … mature past this point. Seems like everyone else can socialize and find a partner and I’m fuckin’ stuck where I am. I just can’t stop thinking about Friend A who’s about to go on a Europe contiki tour with her boyfriend. At the end of the tour, she’s staying in France for a few more days for her friend’s wedding. It’s like I’m crushed and more crushed.
I initially thought that if I started becoming more like them, maybe I’d … mature more? Things like dropping gaming, socialize more on Facebook, watch more “in” TV series, listening to pop songs … things like that. Yeah, that didn’t quite work out. I’ve faced the fact that gaming, listening to Ace Ventura or 김범수 and being a FB newbie is me. Can’t change that fact overnight or in a millennium’s time.
I … have thought a lot about this lately. I can’t help it, too much time at the moment since it feels like everyone is getting a life except for me as shown in the previous post. While in the shower just now, it all hit me again and I decided that I can’t just sit around fucking moping and shit. If I can’t change myself, if I can’t mature as fast as I need to be, that’s alright. I thought that since I’ve been dealt this kind of cards in life right now, you just gotta play with what you got. Make the most of it.
First thing I have to deal with is that terrible anger/irritation issue. I remember when I ran nearly every day during the summer, I didn’t get as angry as often. I think I was just too tired. The whole reason I started running was to run myself out so I can’t rage, I’d have no energy. I’d stay as mellow as a marshmellow. So I decided in that shower that I need to join a gym so I can use their treadmill and cross-trainer. Run my anger issues out of me.
Next thing was that I needed a sport to play. No matter what sports, you always have to interact and socialize with people. For me, it’s all plus points all the way. I use to play badminton but … I’m … not thinking about it. I was thinking either tennis or squash. I’d imagine you need more power to hit a tennis ball than a shuttle cock. That’d built up my arm muscles since they’re as muscly as a dried-up twig right now. And also, when the ball comes, I can imagine that the ball is the person who is on my #1 irritant list and smash that ball back. I used that technique in another sport (I can’t remember which) and I surpassed all expectations given my twiggy appearance.
Yes, so that’s my plan for the moment. Run myself out of everything. It’s the only plan that will work at the moment. It has to or … *deep breath* … faces will be slapped.
Been about forever since I last was here. A quick rundown …
Started playing MMOs early February and so that’s what took me away from early February until now. And then university started in … March, I think … so then half my day is to gaming, the other half, to “study”. Nah, not really. I’m actually just trying to balance out my life. I just need to get a life, basically. When I was really into my games, I stayed up until 5AM every other night. But now it’s definitely NOT the case anymore. Balance!
I also somehow have Skype and … it’s amazing that I actually made friends over the game and can actually talk to them over Skype call and discuss not just about games but about … what friends normally talk about. It’s really … an eye-opening experience for myself personally.
I was gonna come here and rant about things that have been bugging me but I ranted to … you guessed it, a Skype friend and it’s just this huge load off my chest for now.
Majority of my friends have moved or are moving to the UK for their OE. There’s another friend who’s starting their contiki tour with her boyfriend in a week’s time. I’m … pretty much by myself. They’re all graduated, at work, getting a life and I’m still stuck in university (last year).
Seems like the story to take home from this post is that I need to get a life. Even my parents are questioning whether I got a life or not. I don’t know whether I’m actually “depressed” that I’m … friendless? At the moment. I still have uni friends, I got Skype friends but all my close friends have gone. That’s not friendless, is it? Can you tell that I’m a lost fucking soul right now? I just … need time.
I think I’m starting my NaDruWriNi tonight, yes. A Thursday night. Bought the tonic water for NZD $1 and the liqueur a long time ago. So before I get thoroughly sloshed (as or as sloshed as I can get myself), I better get the basics done. So I’m drinking tonic water and liqueur. I’m not going to lie, I hate fizzy because it makes me fart like no tomorrow but since I’m alone, getting sloshed, I can let them rip like no tomorrow!
Blue Curaçao & Indian Tonic Water
I think I’ll start my rant about five cups in? Three cups in? Just wait for it.
Drink #3 I can feel my eyes sinking into myself. Why is this happenng. It’s bulging like a fucker. But I can still think about what to write. I was going to use another word instaef od fucker but I don’t thinkwe can backspace for nadruWrini?? Or whoever the fuck your spell it. Next aim = drink $5. Fuck #5. fI can feel the gas building in mybelly and my belly is getting big, my stomach is swelling but the GAS WON’T COME OUT. I CAN’T BURP. I need to google how to burp. Wh can’y I fart it out.
Cup #4 It think it’s #4. I’m prettys ure. though I can’t be certain. I still havn’t burped. I need to burp like a bad madafucker right now. Like REEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALY let one rip like a fuckin elephant in the forest in India or somewhere. M tummy is burning. Is it the alky? I thought it goes to the liver? Is it not going to he liver? POooh, I can feel the gas coming. Mama’s waiting, no need to be shy darling. I need to pee. When I’m lonely like now, and I get “sloshjed”, (I’m not sloshed, not even close cause I can still count LIKE A FUCKINB OAS BOSS GDI, BOSS RIGHT NOW). Cup #5. Idon’t feel fill the cup to the brim because it’s too muchto drink. Just halfway. CUP #5. YEA.
#5. My titles are getting smaller. Thank god I got titles right and not titties. I had to think whether it was right or write for a second there. I went for a leak just now and my teeth are like blue as the fuckin bahamas sea or whatever the stupid fuckin sea is called over at the bahamas. The pacific? Bahams pacific? Oh, nearly wrote pacifier. I’ve been wathinc g Wild Bunny (2PM) and the y would be my ideal group to get fuckin sloshed as a fucker with. Funf unf unf. FUN GDI CAN’T YOU EFFIN TYPE PEORP PROPERLY JEEZUS. I want tos leep. B My eyes are like shut. There’s no one here. to party with. Because I’m drinking and puring them drinks at my laptop, I’m afraid if I get any slosher than this, I’d pour the stupid drinks over the computer than into the small as cup. Wh has the brim got to be so fuckin tinnnnnnny. I need a drunk cup. How many words has this thing gotta be? like a biazaaoillion baaillion? i can’t capitalize. my pinky is stired. too tired. i wanna rwite story. big story. like jk rowling and get my potter as money rolling into the bank i can’tse e straight.space.
i see people confessing secets during nadruwhatevertheufck and i wanna f=confess soemthing. too maynconfessions running through my head dunno what to piiick ~~~~ i don’tw wanna to stay in contact with friend a. distance definitle destroys my friends hip cause if you’re out of my sight, you’re OUT OF MY FUCKIN MIND. it’s too space? fielled with space to care. filled with robotic jujks delete delete delete.deet diit deitdeitdeetdet. iwant to forget this but i don’t think i will and when i wake upt omorrow morning i’m gonna be regretting this 548975309845% like a beast.
i need m glasses to see straight. they better nit have soroted some sort of cujing legs and runne doff. my finers are not coordinagint proeprly. sorrry. i need tofinsihed this last glass, thake a leak and hit the sack. my sack. personaly sacky bed no sack. what is a skac? wh sack? i don’t get it. im tired. i just wna tot sleep. o en been drinkin a looong time ithink. i wish i could take back the really bad things i say and be bter person but it’s so hard to change and i need tovie 39482034 fucks but i honestl have zero-fucking fucks to gi ve athe moment. need to grow them in m garden. at this rate i’m gonan slfafall sleep right nerher rhjgt now FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK. SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. my rwolrd is tilting like a bad draem right now. tilllllt. peace ur ssasss out of here. lriutha;worthua;woetha; wortha;erothu ac;oruah.og love and all that shit rightnwo.
I’d think that 95% of my blog archives will compose of angst, angst and angst. Did I mention angst? I mean, I have angsty moments against life, work, friends, families and whatever else you can think of. I mean, I’d start another angsty rant again now but I’m so full of pent-up angst that I wouldn’t know where to start and finish. My angst-o-meter is bursting that I’m so scared to start!
So instead, I’m going to quickly skim over things that make up my life/day right now. Work is going okay, I don’t think I’m performing at 100% yet but I hope to be by the end of February. Also got told off by my supervisor that my slippers aren’t “professional”, looking to buy a more professional-looking slippers, checking out Gisele Bundchen’s Ipanema range currently. Can’t buy shoes right now because it technically is still Chinese New Years, and the Chinese have this superstition where we do not buy shoes during the 15 days of Chinese New Years.
Got free tickets to a concert in town tomorrow. Unplanned trip but I definitely am going with my friend. I had one more extra spare ticket but the friend which I am giving it to is seriously fucking me off. But I already told her the ticket is hers, so I can’t do anything about it. Oh well.
I’ve also set out a few goals for myself this year. Make at least one new friend this year, perform exceedingly well at my current job so that when I leave, they’d be crying a river and missing me a whole heap, and also to get at least a B average this year at university.
Well, sorry for the long break from the last post but I’m slowly deciding what I want to do with myself and all that mushy stuff. =3