I also did a lot of shopping. I think in total, I must have spend something like NZD $1500+ in both countries together. It was a lot of fun. I definitely recommend going to Thailand for a holiday. It is incredibly beautiful.

Post more later.

So me and my friends were talking about periods and I said that I dread mine because when it comes, it’s … for the lack of a better word, extremely excruciating. For me, the day before and the day it starts are the worse. I want to throw up, I can’t eat, I can’t move … and it feels like I’m giving birth to my guts. I’m constantly nauseous and most of the time, I’m literally curled up over myself just to ease the pain.

It wasn’t always like this. But about four years ago, this pain started and as each period comes, it’s like … it’s getting worse. I told my doctor (when I finally took my friend’s advice to go see him, yes my doctor is a guy), I told him that I remember one time it was so bad, I had to sit in a lecture theater for three hours because I knew that if I stood up, I would have thrown up right there and then.

So I repeated all those and extra details that only doctors should know and he said that it sounds quite serious. My heart just about sang hallelujah. I never went to see him about this before because I heard about other women complaining about period cramps and I have no clue what the hell is a period cramp. For me, it’s either no pain (in the early days) or extreme pain like what I go through when my period comes. So that’s why I was curious how can these women who have period cramps can still stand up and walk and go to work. It was … absolutely unfathomable.

So then the doctor ask me what do I take to alleviate the pain, and I told him I took nothing because 1) I don’t know what will alleviate the pain and what makes it worse and 2) I couldn’t swallow anything even if I got some painkillers on hand as I would have thrown it right back up.

So he sent me to the radiologist for an ultrasound as he said it could be Endometriosis. The ultrasound wasn’t the most comfortable experience, to be quite honest. It was a pelvis-abdomen scan and I had to have a full bladder and must not have any food six hours prior to the scan. My scan was at 2PM. I survived on high sugar-content orange juice from 7:30AM to 2PM. And while I was waiting in the reception area, two pregnant women came and went for their ultrasound scan. And both had to tell their radiologist to give them a few more minutes to wait for their partner to arrive.

Maybe it was just me, but I swear they were giving me a funny look. Hard to describe, but I felt like I was being judged. But I couldn’t really tell them to shove it because my mind was on when I can go to the toilet. Honestly, the combination of having to hold your pee in and the radiologist pressing the scanner on your pelvis is one of the hardest must-not-embarass-self-by-peeing-pants situation.

Uhm, yeah. So that was about two weeks ago. I’ve been tossing between panicking that it may be Endometriosis and I will probably have to go for surgery, and moments of calmness where he can prescribe me birth-control pills to control and perhaps minimize the pain. I have to go see him soon again as my temporary Naproxen he prescribed me has only one refill left.

The next period is coming along and I can feel the … I guess slight pain already. I’m bracing myself like usual but sad as it seems, I feel a bit better equipped with the Naproxen going everywhere I go. As I’m typing this, I feel like my ovaries/kidneys are contracting and expanding constantly. About 24 hours ago, there’s been slight pain around my pelvic bone. Yeah, I’m pretty ready to pop those Naproxen pills like candies once the full blast of it hits.

This waiting around for the doctor to interpret the ultrasound results is also killing me slowly. Just fucking call me and tell me what’s happening. Please!

Right! First up is Rainism by..Rain.

What can I say, I can pretend that it’s average…BUT HELL FUCKING NO. It’s so damn hot, the dance moves… *v* Ugh, my ovaries are in overdrive.

OK, next is his other smoking hot track called Love Song.

From about 2:23, that’s when the moves start getting all the girls hot and bothered and…yeah. OK. Just DAMN, ALL RIGHT. I can’t help myself but stare.

Rain’s live performance of Hip Song…which I absolutely love by the way, though I can’t seem to find the official MV of this track.

Urgh, he makes every step look so easy. He’s all like “I’m just going to be awesome, so I’m awesome now, OK baby?” And all the fangirls (me included) are like “AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!” *dead faint*

Here’s a parody of Rain’s Rainism track. It’s all subbed hence, the hilarity.

Rainism → hungryism?

And here’s Rain himself being so shy on Strong Heart(?) having to dance to Love Song for a few seconds around ~6:33.

Here’s a subbed piece of Lee Joon (of MBLAQ) talking about Rain’s three stages of anger. A little information, Rain is the producer(?) for MBLAQ.

Talking about Lee Joon…his pants actually ripped in half on television.

It’s funny how half the guest are trying to help him cover himself while the other are too busy ROTFLMAO to help. I’ll admit it. I’ll most probably be part of the ROTFLMAO group.

And here’s Lee Joon being such a gullible (but nice!) person. All subbed.

He collapses after he found out it was a hidden camera. Too cute. If it was me, I probably would have smashed someone’s face in, AND THEN I’ll collapse.

And randomly, parody dances. It’s a few parody and the best parody (in my humble opinion) was the last one, starting at ~5:50 (Lee Hyouri & Rain parodies). The other good ones are ~1:33 (Bo Beep performance) and 5:17 (Rain parody. Again.)

So there we go. I guess I’m feeling a bit nostalgic also, because Rain was recently called for military service. A few well-known Korean artist are being enlisted so it’s just waiting for them, to see what they’ll do after the compulsory term.

They’ve added this “stack” feature which I don’t know what the fuck it does. And…I can’t seem to see all my tags unless I’m logged in? There’s a whole boatload of complaints and flames out there and I’m still not completely sure what’s going on. I do know that as the flames and complaints come in, AVOS is slowly re-inserting the old features that we all love and trust.

To me, a lot of people missed the “tag bundle” feature which I never used…I use Delicious as a private bookmarking system so that even if I change browsers or PC, my bookmarks are still intact and don’t need me to import/export and just generally make me bang my head against the nearest horizontal surface.

Oh! I wish they put back the auto-suggest tags instead of just suggesting tags based on what I already have. When I bookmark things, I just click all the tags that were suggested as they made the most sense. Now I have to do the brainwork and think of tags. Urgh. Just leave Delicious as it was and improve on it, not take away everything…this makes me sad.

Anyway! Since a lot of people are exporting bookmarks and just generally relocating elsewhere, I looked around and it was either Trunk.ly, Diigo or Pinboard. The first two are free though Diigo has a cap of ~300 bookmarks unless you upgrade to a premium account while Pinboard has a one-time fee at registration. Pinboard’s registration fee is (number of users * $0.001). When I signed up, it was ~ USD $9.48.

I think it’s a no-brainer which I chose. Pinboard it was. The services matched most closely like the old Delicious what with the simple interface and the ability to search bookmarks and notes and blah blah. It’s simple, it works and I like it.

In real life, I just finished university yesterday and now it’s exam time. I feel that all these WP upgrade notices bombarding me in the admin panel is trying to tell me that it’s time to create a new look. I think so too. But where’s my creative juice going to come from?

No wisecrack answers please, cause I already have them all playing in my mind as soon as I typed that.

So, I’ve had a couple of days to think and I guess I wasn’t on my best behavior so I’ve asked her if she wanted to have a dinner this Friday. Just the two of us, where I’ll be on my best behavior. The ball’s in her court now.

Half of me wants to prostrate myself before her begging for forgiveness, but the other half of me tells the other side to fuck off because we had the right be angry. I think both side has a point hence, no side wins but we’ll see how this plays out. I’m a bit more calm now, my head is a bit clearer and I just need to stay calm and cool.

I knew I was so close to breaking point, I had to let steam out somewhere and it just happened to be here and as much as I would like to apologize for the bad behavior, I just can’t. Maybe people will view in me in a negative light now, and really, I still need a little more time before the festering stops.

Maybe I just need to completely stop thinking about it.

So on Friday was the friend dinner and the organizer of the dinner decided to invite Flora. When I found out Flora was invited, I knew it was bad news. There is a reason why I considered her close to me up until a few months ago.

After a few years of friendship with Flora, we were talking about life problems and bitching about it like usual when it was her turn to bitch about her boyfriend. So bitch, bitch, bitch and…well, I guess I could sum up our friendship with this sentence from her to me. “Oh, you’d never understand my boyfriend problems because you’ve never had one.”

Wow, that is some profound shit. I’m just so damn fucking glad you’ve opened my eyes for me! I mean, really. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I didn’t know I ranked so low in your eyes, I guess…I didn’t even register in your brain that I considered you a close friend whom I really respected and trust! Thank you again. I’m just really grateful for that eye-opener.

After that…I got caught up in university which helped me avoid her. Until last night which was my birthday dinner with friends. See, she warned us that she had “big news”. That had already set off alarm bells in my head cause I know she loves attention and probably couldn’t bear the thought that I, this lowly being that doesn’t even compare to her A+ life, was the center stage for this birthday dinner! If it wasn’t my birthday, I would love to have given her the attention, but since it was my birthday, well, she should go fly kite.

Guess what her big news is? She’s pregnant with twins. Yay. See, I would have been a little bit more enthusiastic if she just not said it at all on my birthday dinner, or well…she could have just said it and left it alone humbly. But well, I don’t think she ever knew the word “humble” existed, let alone what it means. All throughout the dinner was the topic of how she broke it to her boyfriend, how she broke it to her family, how she broke it to her boyfriend’s family, how she’s taking supplements from her doctor, how her ultrasound is, how the ultrasound looks, what she can eat, what she can’t eat, how the morning sickness is, how craving is the supposed natural call from the body to eat what she’s lacking for her babies blah blah blah and it just went on and on and on.

You know, I shouldn’t have been angry about this. I shouldn’t be shocked about this. I should have expected this fucking “surprise”. As they say, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I guess this is a shame-on-me situation. And it really is. I should have expected no less from her.

But you see, there’s a reason why I’ve got a new group of close friends and it’s because they can see the limelight-seeking shit act you’re putting up on my birthday and yeah, they weren’t impressed. I guess this lowly being just can’t be bothered putting up with your shit any longer.

And you know what takes the cake? The fact that she’d use anything, including her pregnancy to make sure she gets all the attention. I mean, all the Facebook congratulations and loves from her other friends weren’t enough, holy fuck. Oh no, she’s got to make sure people at my birthday dinner had to be sufficiently in awe of her. I’ll admit it, I am in awe of her. In awe of her selfishness. And in awe at how dumb I was.

She’s just a receptionist, her boyfriend is a salesperson at a technology store. They were living in a rented flat in the city, but they’re moving back to their parents because well, I guess they don’t have the money to support themselves through this joyous occasion. What an A+ life. She doesn’t think long term about the babies she’s carrying. Those are two lives that are depending on her, and they way she talks about it, it’s just another tool for her to get more attention. That’s what disgusts me. She said she had depression, then she found out she was pregnant blah blah. Bottom line is, she got knocked up, she’s just another accidental teen pregnancy just minus the “teen” in that phrase. The whole joke about it is that the way she phrases it is as if she wanted to have babies, that she was ready.

And I can tell she’s not fucking ready. She’s ready when she stops thinking about herself for one fucking second and put someone else first.

I’ve got another friend who had a beautiful baby girl at 19 and she’s not another accidental teen pregnancy because she wanted a kid since she was 15. She gave up a lot to have that kid. Four years down the track? She’s living with someone steady, the daughter is incredibly beautiful, and even though the mother’s not married, it’s a steady environment and the daughter is not some tool for her. The kid is as is, the kid she wanted for so many years.

Nonetheless, this is a long rant, I need to head out to my uncle’s 50th birthday dinner where I will be allow him to celebrate his birthday. Despite all my anger, I wish Flora all the best with her twins because as cold as it sounds, I do not want any contact with her or her twins ever in my life. And I hope, I’ll never be like Flora.

When asked how they are bringing in some money into their pockets, they said that none of them worked. If you want to, it’s best if they helped out with lab demonstrating to the under-graduates and maybe the tutorials. But that’s it, because otherwise, it’s too time consuming.

At this point in time, I’m not willing to let go of this current job. I’ve been working since I was 16 and this is the first decent place that I’m at. After working for a boss who thinks me working until 7:00pm daily is me being “unenthusiastic” and another boss who thinks that he can bully me, I am NOT going to be a fool and quit this first decent job I’ve even been at.

But I shouldn’t get my panties in a twist at the moment as I’ve still got two years to go and my grades are nowhere near a B+ average, let’s be honest here. Let’s be realistic.

The post-graduate students who came to talk today said that the study can be fun sometimes, and I have no doubt it will be fun as I enjoy my labs (sometimes). But at this point in time, the cons far outweigh the pros and I don’t think it’s worth it for me, personally.

Moving on…had another soccer game today. My team won…yay, we are celebrating. But why am I not in this joyous mood? I feel like a fake for reasons that is just too convoluted in my head to express here. I’m way too tired, way too irritated, way too crassed off…just…can’t be bothered.

I use Jetfire in one fandom but no one assumes I’m a boy as most people know I changed it from Ashley.

If I go into a random chatroom under ‘Ice’ or ‘Prime’, they’ll start referencing me as a ‘he’. It’s happened a couple of times already in the last few years and it’s still happening. I don’t know how long I’ll stick in this particular chatroom under ‘Prime’ so I haven’t corrected any of them. I may, in time. Imagine the shock that’s going to be.

I kind of dropped heavy hints in some conversations that I’m a girl but I think they just assume I’m a gay guy. I mean I said Robert Downey should shave in Iron Man then he’ll look better. Does that scream girl? I…I think so but they don’t think so. I’ll bitch more about it later when I’m over this situation which I find very…amusing at the moment.

So! Moving on, Cobra Starship. Sometimes I’m a lover, but sometimes I’m a hater. With Guilty Pleasure, I’m a hater. But with the tracks below, I’M A LOVER.

Keep an eye out for Robin Williams at 1:28.

I LOVE Gabe at 1:26 ~ 1:27 where he’s all “HOT DAMN!!” His pose was hilarious!

The two really good players on our team had to be substituted today because they had other arrangements. Hence, I think we loss. But on the other hand, maybe the other team either cheated their way into our Grade 5 category…or they are the best team in the Grade 5 category. It was a mixed team category and so each team had to have at least two girls on field.

So the opposition had two girls and the other three guys were quite good. They were fast, co-ordinated and communicating. But they were also incredibly aggressive. This is a social category, NOT competitive. So please, put the aggression aside. Have fun, please be gentle on my foot.

I’ll be first in line to admit that I’m either THE worst girl on our team, or one of the worst. I feel like I am. I can get the ball from the opposition, but once it’s within my feet, I’m lost. I kick it to my nearest teammate. And sometimes, that is costly.

One of the guys actually said that I have to calm down. Once I get the ball, I have to calm down and think. Think. Where am I going to kick the ball. And it’s like, I am trying to think. But with the opposition cramping my style of thinking, I can’t think! I didn’t say this to him, of course. But I did take on-board their advice that once I get the ball, DON’T just kick it away. Stop the ball, and kick it in the direction you want.

But another person said that I am not the worst player because I get right in the thick of it. I’m “in their face”, word-for-word what she said. And I admit that I am slightly “in their face”. Because if no one is in the thick of it, who’s going to get it? My logic is, they see an opposition coming, hopefully they’ll lose their cool and…just kick it away. It’s better the ball be flying somewhere, than just being dribbled between an opposition’s feet. Then my teammate has a chance to get the ball.

Today’s opposition had a female teammate (as expected), who was a real fuck-face giver (unexpected). Read above regarding social category. One time I had the ball and was trying to fend her off, or maybe I was trying to get the ball of her, she kicked my foot incredibly hard. This was pains-and-needles feeling. It was painful. Not five minutes later, it happened again! It hurts. Really. I think one time, I accidentally ran into her or something, I said ‘sorry’ and she gave me a fuck-face worth an Academy Award nomination. I guess she might be pissed because the ball went away from her. Too bad.

Another time, I didn’t hear the referee whistle to stop and I accidentally kicked the ball away from her and she gave the dirty look again. Bitch, you bring that face to me, I’ll give it a nice reshaping it needs. Asshole.

All sore-loser-feelings and bitch-please aside, this was and hopefully continues to be a fun activity.

I haven’t seen DH II yet but going soon. My tumblr account is spammed with HP images at the moment, some funny, some sad…

And hopefully the first and last time I will ever use a phrase like the following: Harry Potter 4eva.

Beware, dial-up monster. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Not really Harry Potter, but it was quite funny: Bitch, you did not just touch my pendulum.